Doki Doki Panic (real life, not the game)

wickedcestus

Honestly I think this thread is hugely valuable because dating can be so tough, and as someone who went through the entire hell-process of trying to online date while being extremely shy and alienated from the world, without talking to anyone about it, I can tell you that that sucks! I was so convinced that I was undatable that I was embarassed to tell anyone I knew that I was going on dates, for fear that they would find the very idea ridiculous and laughable. I de-actived my OkCupid account at least six or seven times in the first week alone, and then many more times in the year after that, for various absurd reasons. It really would have helped if I had talked to literally anyone about my experience, and realized that I wasn’t completely alone in what I was going through! Oops!

Gaagaagiins

From having no choice but to shovel snow since the beginning of the year, I think what I’ve realized is that I hate the idea of exercising solely for the sake of building physique, I find almost no pleasure in the act of it, and theoretically I might be into the idea of competitive sport but I think I would probably need to get to some reasonable minimum of physical health before I even think about that.

However, what I seem to be INTO is physical labor that has an actual practical or productive purpose?? Sometimes I finish my driveway and feel like I want to just go around the neighbourhood and shoveling someone else’s driveway (I mean, I don’t, but I might at some point).

Basically what I’m saying is I think I could get myself into somewhat reasonable physical fitness if I just had a big pile of firewood to chop.

Gaagaagiins

I just wanna be the Demons’s Souls wood panel and firewood basement pic guy but with a better TV and Elden Ring

goonbag

2501 Regarding the points about shared interests: I don’t want or expect to meet someone who shares every individual interest of mine, but I do feel it’s pretty important that they at least overlap in some key areas. I absolutely appreciate that emotional and psychological compatibility are crucial aspects of coupling that exist independently of hobbies and careers; that said, sharing and talking about the subjects and activities I’m passionate about is one of the most meaningful ways of connecting with someone, to me; if I can’t conceivably carry on hours-long conversations with them about something we both feel strongly about, it’s doubtful I’m ever going to feel that connected! Moreover, I just find it hard to get comfortable with someone who isn’t sufficiently into broadly overlapping cultural/subcultural spaces, e.g. some combination of arts and nerdy/weeby shit. It only really hit me in the last couple years how much more common and available people like that are in urban areas than where I’ve lived most of my life.

Sorry in advance if this is beating a dead horse but I want to come back to this point. I think you might be surprised how little your interests need to overlap to lay the foundations for a meaningful connection with someone. Just one shared cultural interest can be enough! What matters more beyond that point imo is a combination of compatible personalities and shared values. Even then, how well those things need to align will be up to you and the other person to discover in practice.

My point is, making assumptions about how this stuff is going to work is putting the cart before the horse, even if you’re basing those assumptions on what has and hasn’t worked before. This is not to say it’s wrong to have dealbreakers or standards of any kind, in fact it’s important for your own safety and wellbeing to have a sense of what behaviours/beliefs you won’t tolerate. But beyond that, compatibility is a bit of a mysterious thing. Try to keep an open mind.

2501

For reference, out of every person I’ve known in the past several years that seemed very close to being a serious match, none had actually seen The End of Evangelion but all were enthusiastically open to it

2501

Also fwiw I did recently make a new friend - through Letterboxd, of all places, and not the sort of person I might have approached irl - who happens to live in Brooklyn and be into the art scene there, so when the specter of Omikron is no longer hanging over the cold dark Northeast like a cartoon grand piano on a rope we will hopefully hang out irl which should be a definite change of pace

beets

2501 I’ve met enough other people across the gender/sexuality divide who share that cynicism that I don’t think it’s exclusively a Me Problem!

I despise the dating apps. They make it all feel so dehumanising and force me to judge people. You can’t just pass over people you have to say “No, I am not interested” dozens of times over.

I was in a relationship for about 6 months and I broke it off almost exactly a month ago. I redownloaded one of the apps to hopefully stave off the loneliness that would rise at night. It didn’t help and I deleted it after a few days. I broke off the relationship because I believed I didn’t feel as strongly as she did. I had also attempted to get jobs in other cities twice; subconsciously looking for a way out. The day after when I drove her home, I felt terrible and like I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

A week or so later we met up again to drop some things off, we went to a nearby park to talk it out but I don’t think it went well. I’m doing better now and I think it was the right choice to end it, but I haven’t seen her since.

I guess as valentines day is looming near that lonely feeling will be lingering again. Verbs stolen from Los Campesinos

2501

beets

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