Final Fantasy 7 Remake is a AAA game remake of a AAA game from almost 25 years ago. They also have some of the most AAA toilets I’ve ever seen in gaming. Here is a non-exhaustive list of some of the ones I found noteworthy. They are not graded on a rubric because as @marlfuchs2 said in the GBA Kart Racer Retrospective thread, “are you looking for an objective mathematical answer? do you make all decisions this way?”
There may be minor spoilers for a game that spoils a game from 25 years ago. Anyone who is worried about that is probably not registered on this forum. I know that the Insert Credit community is chill and here for the toilet posts!
Number 1 – The Shinra Executive Men’s Room Urinals
Our heroes have fought or snuck their way into the highest enclaves of Shinra’s power structure. Nobody has stopped us to ask if we should have checked the big sword at the front desk. We have to find a way eavesdrop on the Very Important Shinra meeting that is taking place and we’ve heard rumors that we can hear voices in the bathrooms.
Welcome to the Shinra Electric Power Company Building’s Executive Floor men’s washroom. This is my favorite toilet and further my favorite bathroom in the entire game.
We’ve got dark wood paneling, lots of black counter tops and trim work, and these good-looking urinals. We have a counter to place our phone or other personal belongings above the urinal itself, tasteful indirect lighting and privacy screens on the left and right.
As an aside, the Shinra Building feels fancy in more of a Shenzhen or Shanghai-style than it does in a Tokyo-style to me.
Number 2 – Aerith’s Personal Toilet
Aerith spent a lot of time in the Shinra Building as a child and had her own small apartment. Her bathroom however didn’t have a functioning door to provide any privacy. I know this because when I went to explore this small apartment Aerith watches you as you poke around, and her idle animation makes it look like she’s trying to peek around the door and see what exactly Cloud is doing in there.
Number 3 – Shinra Executive Men’s Washroom Stalls
Remember that quest to find a duct? Let’s just find that duct. It’s in the same Executive bathroom, and Tifa isn’t feeling comfortable being in there. If you’re not familiar with this section, here’s a YouTube link.
It’s an odd bit of characterization for Tifa who is worried about being the girl in the boys room more than she is about being caught by Shinra guards. It’s not played for laughs, or anything, I just think it’s inconsistent writing. If Aerith was in the party at this point of the game, I feel like Aerith would roll her eyes at Tifa, and proceed to shove her friend in.
The toilet itself seems to be the same prop geometry we’ll find reused through the rest of the game. It’s a “sit-down” western-style toilet with what I read as Asian-styling. The flush sensor also seems to be in a weird place right at the back of the seat. That seems like it would be a poor location given the toilet’s primary job.
Additionally, there is a funny piece of immersion-breaking in this bathroom. when you walk by the mirrors, very little that could be described as “reflective” is presented in the mirror. I thought that this was pretty lazy in a game that was clearly trying to say something from it’s graphical fidelity in a universe where Duke Nukem 3D faked reflections with mirroring portions of level geometry in 1997. I also though “Whoa, this bathroom would actually be enhanced by PS5 ray tracing” which is how I know that Sony has got me!
Number 4 – This toilet in a bar in Wallmarket
It’s the same toilet prop, but the room is huge. I think we’ve all be in a bathroom like this at some point. You know the kind that is in a restaurant or bar (like this one is!) and they seem to have converted a closet? It’s inappropriately huge for the single toilet and tiny sink.
I guess if you’re going to have food poisoning, this would be a good bathroom to be stuck in thanks to the fact that you have some physical space. I get the feeling that this bathroom is unheated and uncomfortably cold.
Number 5 – Cloud’s Apartment
It’s the same toilet in Cloud’s apartment, but why doesn’t it have TP? Wait, why don’t any of the bathrooms in the game?
Conclusion – I probably shouldn’t have made a listicle about toilets in a video game.
Share some other good toilet posts from FF7R or other games. I’ll take the low-hanging fruit with No More Heroes.
Happy New Year everyone!