Nobody wants to see you go hollow (parenting thread)

fridgeboy

compositehiggs This reminds me of my niece, who is 6 and has a similar morbid fascination. She loves drawing pictures of creepy ass monsters and talking about death and stuff. I think this might just be kind of normal kid stuff? She’s okay. Halloween is like the best day of the year in her opinion.

yeso

compositehiggs the precocious thing is tricky bc you have the impulse to encourage thinking and introspection, but they’re too young to process (to the extent anyone can) death. I have a coworker whose middle school age kid is stressing about the sun turning into a red giant in 4 billion years and melting earth. Sometimes I think this is one of those cases when conventional religion/heaven helps, at least in the short term

Syzygy

yeso
We’re down to 4 billion years now? That shit really creeps up on you

compositehiggs

yeso I would describe myself as profoundly, maybe even catastrophically or at least pathologically, non-mystical and non-religious. Perils of being a physical scientist, I guess. Sometimes I worry about it a little because I do see my own religious upbringing as informing my moral compass but I can’t bring myself to tell my child even the simplest fib, though I am happy to omit some of the more terrible truths of living, even if directly asked.

yeso

I remember watching my goldfish die and that left me a forever changed first grader

JoJoestar

Syzygy I imagine telling the child “don’t worry, you are only going to live around 80-90” as a way to try to call him down. Not really helpful lol.

I find the idea of existentialist kids amazing, those should be cherished and protected.

yeso

what if you presented the conversation as something like: “grandma believes xyz” or “it helps some people to think….” And that way you can present a strategy without being totally misleading or breaching trust

compositehiggs

yeso Yeah, I sometimes do explain what other people believe but I think its a relatively fine line between that and misrepresenting those beliefs as more plausible than they are.

I still resent all the times adults made bad arguments about reality, even in good faith, to me, as a child.

Usually I try to explain moral issues as clearly as I can in terms of ordinary human desires.

billy

yeso “grandma believes it’s actually THREE billion years!”

yeso

compositehiggs yes it’s a dilemma for sure. And just speaking for myself, I don’t really resent my parents for religious framing about this stuff, I view it more as them doing the best they could to provide support and comfort. Important caveat is that they never did any intense “you’ll go to hell if…” type of stuff

yeso

billy lol yes my advice is highly grandma contingent

compositehiggs

yeso Some versions of the truth are quite comforting, though:

All pain, fear, anxiety, etc are temporary. This is a literally true thing that is also very comforting.

yeso

Listen champ, the idea of death might sound scary, but by the time you hit 35 give or take, unceasing annihilation won’t seem so bad!

yeso

I suppose, but those explanations lack meaning, which is difficult for a kid brain to stitch together

Wasn’t making fun of you above just to be clear, just dumb-joking to myself

pasquinelli

my daughter had mortality fears when she was little. i don’t think there’s anything that can be said. i tried to just talk to her like i’d talk to an adult expressing the same feelings. on this subject, adults don’t have anything over kids.

on a few times later on, when she didn’t get something she wanted, she’d start crying and asking, “why do i exist?” again, who can’t relate?

yeso

that rocks lol

Rudie

Are there any good 1yo books that won’t make me tear my head off? Chila Chika Boom Boom is horrendously lazy.

Brown Bear Brown Bear is great.

Like the Japanese books I have are like Stripes are fun, a bear cooks pancakes, animals are soft.

Most English Children’s books seem to be extremely lazy gibberish sounds or like a Bird has to go to the bank to finance a boat.

fridgeboy

Rudie

a Bird has to go to the bank to finance a boat

I don’t know that sounds like an awesome children’s book.

My favorites for kids that age were Sandra Boynton’s books - Hippos Go Berserk and But Not the Hippopotamus were standouts for my kiddos.

Another is Chris Haughton, we liked Shh I have a Plan and Little Owl Lost

Jon Klassen’s I Want My Hat Back is great and has a kind of dark humor to it. I think that’s the only book of his we have but I’ve heard his other stuff is similarly great.

tapevulture

Rudie agree on Sandra Boynton. Some of the Maisy books by Lucy Cousins have been adapted for very young children. Maisy’s Bus was one my son connected with very young. think he was 2 or so at the time.

we also have some of Taro Gomi’s books. My Friends is a good one

billy

The Day Louis Got Eaten gave my 1yo a robust (and adorable) understanding of the word ‘unfortunately’, and is a neat story about being eaten by monsters and how one would be rescued from such a situation.

thebryanjzx90

1 is probably just a little early but the Piggy and Gerald books and then a little later the Pigeon books (both series by Mo Willems) were always a hit.

fridgeboy

thebryanjzx90 we loved piggy and Gerald too! My older daughter’s favorite from about 4-7.

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