Actors as Videogame Characters, but you're an exec

I just saw uncharted recently and actually was shocked at how much I enjoyed it. It was really stupid and at NO point did I ever believe that Tom Holland or Mark Wahlberg were Nathan and Sully, but it didn‘t bother me too much. It was honestly very surreal, like watching adults dress up and play pretend (I know that’s what acting is, but you're not supposed to notice that). I went through the though cynical process of how these two may have got their roles:

Tom Holland makes sense if you're a marketing exec: he's a hip young guy who has recently become very popular and bankable. Young people LOVE Tom Holland. Young people also love videogames. Perhaps Sony had a good rapport with Tom. He has, after all, spent five years as Spiderman. (this movie is so heavily Sony branded btw it's wild)

Mark Wahlberg is ... a littler stranger of a decision. Honestly I felt like he would have made a much better Nathan Drake. I have to guess he wasn't the first choice, and I have to guess that he came a little cheaper than some ... other choices. He did a few Transformers movies that all performed well enough, so I'm guessing he seemed like a reliable choice who could do fun mean spirited action comedy... which is ... Uncharted-adjacent.

With all that in mind: Imagine you're a big hack CEO of a big hack movie studio (like Sony Pictures) and you're turning a videogame franchise into a feature film. Let's get stupid!! Zendaya as princess Zelda, Chris Pratt as Mario, Timothee Chalamet as Alucard. Whatever man!!

well let's see, how many kids are there in BTS? seven, it turns out.

so.

Killer 7, starring BTS.

oh wow i'm rich already and i haven't even finished writing this post - neat!

A big-budget, ultra-realistic adaptation of Katamari Damacy from the victims' perspective, starring Danny Trejo and Scarlett Johansson.

David Byrne but just as a cameo for the adults to feel smart in the Roblox movie starring 3 out of the 5 stranger things kids.

All the church groups are gonna love Super Noah's Ark 3D starring Kirk Cameron as Noah, featuring Mel Gibson as God.

Tom Hanks

Doesn't matter what the video-game is. Video-games are for babies.
I think Johnson's kid plays video-games get Johnson to ask him which video-game then get Tom Hanks on the horn.

Johnson's kid is playing Roblox.

Get Tom Hanks to play Roblox.

Everybody loves Tom Hanks. We'll be rich!

@"billy "#p59936 just imagine the screams……

this is some leaked concept art from the film

[upl-image-preview url=//i.imgur.com/Ri0iqWu.jpeg]

I was going to say Christian Bale or Ryan Gosling as Solid Snake, but honestly I would buy a ticket for either of those. Fuck it, go with Keanu Reeves.

Is there any discourse around Oscar Isaac being cast as Solid Snake or do we expect this latest film attempt to (fox)die like the rest? Imdb says Kojima suggested Hugh Jackman or Viggo Mortensen, and I kind of like Viggo.

Timothy Chalamet as Gex

@“kingnothing”#p59987 Viggo Mortensen would be good, but I think it should be Shawn Been. Also, I'm saving Viggo for Polish Aragorn Gerald.

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@“Connor”#p59928 Timothee Chalamet as Alucard

I feel like there's some nightmare world where Nintendo decides to finally recognize the demand for a Mother 3 release in the West by producing a Mother 3 movie, with Timothee Chalamet playing Lucas (while still never actually releasing the game).

@“dylanfills”#p60232 Incidentally just learned today that he‘s not Sean by birth. Since Snake was modeled after Christopher Walken let’s cast him as Big Boss.

@“saddleblasters”#p60236 there's a separate but equal nightmare world where they cast Michael Cera

@“dylanfills”#p60260 not 100% on Lucas, but Ness would be played by Michael Cera in an Earthbound movie for SURE.

@“Connor”#p60493 they should throw everyone for a loop and cast him and Jonah Hill

Control would be an interesting property. Kirstin Dunst or Kristin Bell would both make for interesting and different takes on Jessie from Control. But not Anna Kendrick IMO. Sorry Anna - not personal. Who would play Dylan?

Wait, stream of consciousness change - I have recast the role of Jessie in _Control_ as Anna Chlumsky. I am convinced this is the right executive move based on her coming off the _Inventing Anna_ buzz.

@“antillese”#p60590 some iteration of the box art that I saw first convinced me that Scarlet Johansson was cast as the main character in this game, and I just accepted it for a few months. I don‘t know if she’s right for it because I haven't played it

i always wanted to see donald sutherland as revolver ocelot, then kiefer ended up voicing snake. now everyone's too damn old.

Die Antwoord as King Koopa and Kamek