Psychological Health Neurodiversity and Holistic Wellness Support/Sharing Circle

Oh, yes of course, I think by “modern conception of emotional labour” we weren’t referring to that, which is I think a very insightful framework. I think we were more talking about the way that that concept has been co-opted in pop psychology or just social media and culture in general, as @Bonsai talked about further. So, more like a regurgitation of the photocopy of a misunderstanding of the concept, rather than the concept itself.

There’s probably a longer conversation to be had about how concepts in psychology or psychotherapy are misunderstood and co-opted, maybe not necessarily for nefarious means, but certainly for unintended means, or at least in suboptimal contexts. It’s not for no reason that there is the trope of the serial abusive manipulator who goes to therapy for a few months, only to come back with newer, fluffier language to hide their manipulation inside of and continue to dodge accountability. Some of that might be because, well, there are certainly less therapists than is needed, but maybe there are less good therapists than are needed for really complex cases, and therapy can feel good and productive for the subject. And, then, when therapy is both voluntary and there’s a financial incentive for the therapist to keep a patient coming… perhaps that results in there being therapists out there who are incentivized to not perform the kind of direct, confrontational work that someone who has developed very toxic behaviours would need to actually address those things.

To be fair, I don’t think most therapists are just in it to string cases along, but, even well meaning and well trained and dedicated therapists are probably constrained by just the overall lack of accessibility to therapy. What is a therapist to do when they have someone in their care who would need years of weekly sessions to really get somewhere, but their insurance is only gonna cover 8 months of biweekly sessions, or whatever? It’s a rock and a hard place all round.

I have another tip for you to not make it sound like an intervention.

Just say that, lol. You know, like, estoy tratando de que esto no parezca una “intervención.” I just put “I am trying not to make this sound like an intervention” through Google translate because I don’t speak a lick of Spanish, so if I sound like a Cathtellano that’s why, . But, you get the picture!

All you really need to do is to speak from the heart, and with some courage, and trust in your friend to hear you and understand your good intentions. If your love for your friend is as obvious to us here, he will surely feel it. Life’s too short and the world is too often cruel to hold back in how we show love to the important people in our lives.

If you haven’t already it might definitely help him if you were to disclose that you have personal experience with this kind of feeling. Just also be careful to not make it sound like you know 100% what he is going through, because even if the way he feels is very similar to how you felt, it could still be coming from a very different place, or be borne out of a very different initial thought process.

I think it’s best to kind of hedge your bets when relating to someone through personal experience like that. It can be encouraging to know someone has gone through a similar experience, and touching to have a loved one be open about a challenge they went through, but at the same time no one likes to be told how they feel or felt. And they certainly don’t like to be told that the solutions to their problems will be exactly the same as how you solved them.

Again if you haven’t already, basically, be as clear as you can on what the perspective of what you’re saying is, when you’re trying to relate to someone with a personal experience. Don’t be like “I just KNOW I felt the same way you do now, so you should just do exactly what I did!” Make sure that when you share your feelings, you’re clear that those feelings were or are yours, and that because you’ve felt that way, you suspect that the way the other person feels could be similar.

Don’t forget–you’re still making an assumption, so, don’t be shy about saying that you know you’re assuming how they feel. This can maybe help someone open up and maybe even start to understand a feeling if they don’t already, because they will likely be able to both compare how they feel to how you feel/felt, and even borrow the same terms and phrasing you used when you explained, but you can also help them open up by asking them to tell you where your assumptions were accurate, and where they weren’t. Ask lots of open-ended questions too, with an open-ended question being anything that doesn’t seem to be seeking for an obvious answer and just gives people a starting point for further reflection. The most closed questions possible are yes or no questions, like, “do you feel guilty when you ghost people?” Instead ask questions like “what are some of the ways you feel when you’re in this kind of situation?”

Lastly to add something else I just thought of, I believe it is always best to be goal oriented and to focus on being constructive.

Try not to leave these conversations at anything like, when you ghost me it hurts, so, promise to not do that, k? I think it helps people if you always try your best to end on some kind of plan or agreement or vision for a better future. There is a world of difference between “don’t do that to me,” and “how can we work together on a better protocol in place for this situation?” or “what do you need from me to feel comfortable to talk to me about backing out?” or “Here’s a few things you can do or say that will help me understand your needs better.”

Maybe it will help him if you really lay out a sort of flow chart on what he should do based on the possibilities you can think of, and really try and work through constructive and helpful ways to frame each choice. So, like, obviously if he feels good and wants to spend time with you, great, everything goes forward as planned. Then there are the subsequent shades of him feeling caught between feeling like he doesn’t want to be around anyone but also feeling lonely or isolated.

You can maybe discuss how, like, if he feels a little off but not too much, he can maybe choose the activity you will do together or the place(s) you’ll go, if there’s something that will feel more chill and safe for him if it’s something about the activities themselves that generate the stress. Like, maybe it will help put him at ease if you’re ready to change from going out in public somewhere to just chilling at his or your place and playing some couch co-op game that you both like. It might really ease off the pressure he’s feeling to just know he won’t be disappointing you just because the activity you’ve planned seems daunting the day of, and reassure him that what’s important to you is him and your friendship, not the activities themselves. Maybe explain to him that if you had a choice, you would surely always much rather prioritize his comfort and your friendship over an activity, or to put it another way, you’d never want to pressure him to do something he doesn’t want to do just so he can prove his loyalty to you or whatever. I don’t really think people think like that but people do think that people think like that.

On that note, it might also help him to reach out and tell you when he needs to back out of something, if you talk about whether or not his participation is required for you to have a good time. Depending on what the activities you two get up to are, maybe it would be best if you mentally prepare to go to something with or without him, and maybe even be upfront about that. Something like, if there’s something you really want to go do or see (let’s imagine it’s time sensitive like a concert or an exhibition or something) and you plan to do it with him, it might help him if you were to be clear about how you’d love it if he came but you’re gonna go and have a good time with or without him. Maybe that sounds counterintuitive, like you’re saying that you don’t value his presence, but at the same time, maybe that’s his motivation for ghosting you and not saying anything–he doesn’t want to hold you back from things you want to do, so he takes the safe route and just assumes you’ll go and do it even if he doesn’t say anything.

Ok, to get back to the sort of flow chart situation. Let’s say he’s really feeling on the fence the day of. Something you could try is to break down an outing into smaller more manageable chunks, which might be able to give him an out. “Going to a concert” for someone who is developing a tendency to shy away from going out in public and spending time with people is probably a daunting idea. That’s lots of stimulation and maybe new and unfamiliar places and experiences, a crush of unfamiliar people, and most of all it’s just hours and hours of time. Perhaps his tendency to ghost is out of a fear that if he does go out, he will all of a sudden be struck with a terrible feeling and immediately desperately want to leave, but he’ll know he has already committed and would probably disappoint or upset you if he did, and so he will just be stuck wearing the Involuntary Bad Time Hat. Maybe it would help that kind of feeling if you just broke down an evening’s activities into discrete chunks of time with discernible gaps between major changes in activity, so that he feels like he has an out. Just knowing that he has an out might help him feel a sense of security enough that he can instead just focus on having a good time, or, it might mean he can have a good time and if things go south he can back out without feeling like he’ll disappoint or inconvenience you.

I’ll keep with the concert idea because that will give me lots of ways to demonstrate what I mean. Just try and reinforce that he always has a choice and he can even potentially scale back his commitment in the moment if he really needs to. Let’s say that he is really unsure of what he wants to do and he has managed to tell you that the day of the concert. You can perhaps help this by incorporating some more preparatory parts of the activity. Maybe, several hours before doors open, you’ll meet him at his place, where you’ll just chill for a bit before you head out to the show. That gives him a chance to not be able to avoid telling you he’s going to change his mind last minute, for one, which is I think a good thing. Then, maybe 2 hours before doors open, you’ll plan to get a snack or have a coffee or a drink either somewhere near his place, or near the concert venue. I think if you can get him with his shoes on and out the door, you’ve already eliminated a lot of the chance that the impulse to back out will win out. He still does indeed have a chance to back out, though, but you’ll still have had some time together, which is a net gain. Then you can just break down the event itself into manageable chunks, too. Get there as doors are opening so there’s time for him to back out before paying cover and before the opening acts are on. Encourage him to check in between acts and especially before the headliners start playing. If you’re there to see a particular act, make sure he knows so that he has a chance to reassess how he’s feeling before the act you really want to see is on. And on the same tack let him know what bands you wouldn’t mind missing so if he really feels a need to peace out, he can let you know and make his exit, maybe with you if you’re already satisfied with the concert, or without you if he can make his own way home.

Then, lastly for the sort of flow chart, you can just plan for how it will work best if he really does just need to back out of something. Maybe you can reassure him that you don’t need a big long explanation, or, like, the conversation you can have with him about this is like doing the prep work for explaining when he needs to back out. Just reassure him that he can just message you that morning or a few hours before simply that he’s not feeling it and that you should go and have a good time without him 'cause he just wants to chill at home. Maybe what stops him from reaching out is the expectation that he needs to have a good excuse to back out or it would be disrespectful if he didn’t provide some kind of elaborate expression of his regret. So maybe take a very “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach to this, he’s welcome to do so if he needs to but if that just adds to the pressure to not worry about it, you can discuss it either the next day or maybe just not at all because it’s not a novel feeling, it’s just how he usually feels and you already understand. Maybe even offer to pick up a CD or some merch for him or maybe even ask him if he wants to see pics so he at least feels included and valued in some way.

I guess long story short is that it’s very possible to plan things with socially anxious friends in mind, it just means you have to be a little more thorough and a little more deliberate in how you communicate plans. Think of contingency plans, plans within plans, protocols for what to do if something undesirable happens, that sort of thing. I am a bit of a recluse but I have also had some notorious flakes as friends so I’ve kinda been on both sides of this. Knowing that if I wanted to I would be able to adjust my level of commitment to a social outing without judgement or misunderstanding from my friends helped me, and when my flakey friend backed out of something it never bothered me because we had discussed things beforehand.

Yup, I don’t think it draws attention away from this because I figure they are intertwined issues. I have only ever lived in Canada, which is just Diet America, and I had to learn the hard way just how weird and isolating this culture is, by I guess suffering within it for a long time lol. I just assume at this point that the North American lifestyle is going to be alienating to most other people on Earth. It’s certainly alienating to people in North America, but most of them don’t know anything else so they don’t consciously perceive the problem. And, yeah, you’re exactly right with your points about cost of living and commuting and the work-centric culture.

No doubt they were cooking with that one. But, perhaps there is more of this that is also a byproduct of colonization. Thinking about how it was difficult to even get your friend to to consider that they had had a panic attack, I can’t help but think of machismo, or just the way patriarchy has manifested in many settler colonial societies. That pressure to swallow painful emotions and refuse to admit weakness is very much in line with machismo and western settler colonial patriarchal attitudes and expectations. I wouldn’t know to what degree that is pervasive within Dominican culture, but, you know, I wouldn’t bet against it even without prior knowledge. Perhaps too if your friend is not really that kind of macho kind of guy, at some point it might still be worth exploring with him the idea that even if you don’t think you conform to it, there are still many ways it can influence your behaviour, just from having grown up surrounded by it.

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Hm. You know, not to put too fine a point on it, but that sounds like it fucking sucks. Mind you, I’m still here at least throwing rocks from within a glass house with only marginally thicker walls, but, still.

Someone should usurp a socioeconomic class through armed insurrection about it (just a helpful suggestion)

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I can definitely see myself doing this in the future as I love going to stuff alone lol, but like a lot of things it’s often better with a friend. I’ll use this approach from now on. All around, great advice so thanks again Gaagaagins.

I think this is definitely a factor as well.

I wish I could remember all of this in the moment but I will reread this exchange – this is really great advice and just helps me have the right mindset when approaching the topic.

Yes I agree, the source of a lot of problems in my island (both countries that occupy it) comes from colonial and neo-colonial patterns. I didn’t want to make it seem like I was a fan of that whole thing, but it may read like that in hindsight. For what it’s worth, young people there are now much much more open about mental health stuff and I’m very excited to see it even if I am now geographically removed from it.

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You’re very welcome :) I like to talk about this sort of thing and I have too much free time, so, don’t feel like you put me out or anything.

Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. We get it.

It’s a little alien to me where the lines between settler and colonizer are starkly clear, but I imagine with many Latin American cultures where it’s sometimes less clear where, as you said, byproducts of Spanish colonization ends and a distinct new mixed culture or remnants of an indigenous culture begins. Thus feelings of cultural pride can easily get mixed up with shame about the legacy of colonialism, and other such contradictions.

I have it easy in some senses in the way that I don’t ever really feel I have to identify with–or apologize for, or feel ownership over, or feel an obligation to reform–Canada or France or Britain or anything like that, because even though ethnically I’m pretty French I have no connection to a genuine French culture, and Canadian culture has both always been alienating and hollow and meaningless to me, and rejects a lot of who I am anyway. So I get to feel a connection to and a personal investment with a culture and nation completely distinct from any of those things, it certainly accepts me more than Canada does. But, as I understand somewhat how things are in Latin America, you don’t get the luxury of being able to compartmentalize your personal or cultural identity and separate it from the nation state and dominant culture in such a straightforward way at all. Correct me if I’m wrong here of course, but it seems like national and cultural pride naturally comes with having to more directly confront the harmful legacy of colonialism than it does for me.

It’s very interesting to think about, as I understand them, the differences between the two main attitudes towards colonization that were went about on Turtle Island. As I understand it, the British (then Canadian and American) attitude was always about making sure there was always a clear separation between indigenous people and (white, European) settlers, and then eventually, the goal would be to erase indigenous people from existence, and thus indigenous claims to ownership over land, by just either exterminating them or outnumbering them and then subsuming them, more or less. The difference with regards to the Spanish approach, as I understand it, was to send settlers over, but with more of the aim to intermarry (to be more than a bit euphemistic about that, of course…) with indigenous people. The goal in mind was to create a sort of third kind of people, who were ethnically/ancestrally of mixed Spanish and indigenous heritage, but who were also ultimately loyal to Spain and Spanish economic interests, and who were also of course culturally much more similar to Spanish culture (language, religion, their moral values, gender dynamics, etc.).

Fast forward to today where we get to have this complex conversation!!! Which is fairly offtopic so I’ll leave it at that.

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A proper discussion of this would certainly derail this wonderful thread so I will just DM you :)

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you’re being a good friend, @Bonsai

i’ve been on both sides of the fence before, and outside of the great advice mentioned here, sometimes the best thing a friend can do is just hang there beside a person while they sort things out. speaking for myself, having someone simply check-in repeatedly when i wasn’t at my best was enough to give a little peace. maybe there’s something to be said about bearing witness, but a friend is also important to help lighten the load with laughter.

to that end, maybe your friend is resistant to therapy because he wonders whatever happened to real men like gary cooper?

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Crossing streams…

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@captain @MoH @connrrr Thanks in part to your questions, advice and helpful encouragement a few months ago… I was able to get my grad school applications written and submitted.

Today, I found out I was accepted into a program!!! I’m ecstatic!!

If anyone here has a background in Social Work or Psychology and would be willing to chat with me about their experience, please let me know. I’m doing whatever I can at this point to think through trajectories. Thanks!

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Congratulations!!!

I didn’t do a graduate program in Social Work, but I did do a college diploma in community works/ocial service work, and I have a graduate degree in some other dumb shit. What kinds of things are you wanting to know more about?

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hell yeah <3

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Congratulations!!! That’s awesome!

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Congrats!!!

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Can I send a PM?

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Of course!

I’ve been looking after my parents’ cats all month while they are in another province for reasons that aren’t really important.

I was jazzed because I get to see these two meow meows for an extended period but there’s still a heavy emotional burden to being here. I’m as low contact as possible with my family. There was much gaslighting and bullying and violence that went on in this house and it brings back painful memories to be here. That and being divided between here and my apartment and having to look after two senior cats suddenly has wrecked my routine a little bit when I already feel sidetracked kind of all the time. I also have to communicate with my mother to let her know how things are going and stuff which is always inherently a strain. The situation, and my mom, constantly threaten to pull me back into their world again simply by exposing me once more to their dysfunctional ways of thinking.

How tf do you cope with situations where no contact would be best but for whatever reason you can’t 100% cut them out? I’d like to see these cats as much as possible before they die but feel sometimes like it’s just unhealthy for me to be here.

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Uf, this one’s tough and I struggle with it myself. Actually your own advice (back in December of this thread) of going on walks/getting out of the house/relying on friends while I was back home really helped me. This might sound stupid but another thing I did that helped is rearranged my room. Maybe developing a new relationship to your space there can help shift your mind a little bit. Don’t know if you have access to your own space in there, but if you do, maybe give that a shot. My partner was in a very similar position and she said that reworking her room a bit really helped her feel safe in that environment as well. There’s something to it I think!

Otherwise, I am not sure what else could be done, it seemed impossible for me to develop a healthy relationship to family while i was living in the nexus of all those memories, and maybe it is really just difficult, which is why the best way to do it is to not go. Or work on that relationship while you’re away so that when you do have to visit, some groundwork has been done. Hard to give concrete advice, but I feel you and I hope you find something that works. I am sure the two kitties love you for being there though.

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Haha yeah, I should take my own advice more often. I have been running regularly the whole time I’ve been here and I definitely wouldn’t be coping as well as I am without that.

The problem I have with working on this relationship is my parents are very emotionally immature and they kind of remain frozen in time. They don’t internalize new information or understand how to or why people apologize; they minimize and don’t seem to know the difference between conflict and abuse. I’ve tried to focus on what I need to get out of my interactions with them but sometimes I get dragged into an argument and momentarily feel convinced I can get through to either of them but it never goes anywhere and I feel belittled for my concerns once more. The most I can seem to negotiate is distance and boundaries which are easier to assert when I don’t have a reason to talk to them.

I’ve definitely taken some steps to set my environment up to my liking. There’s an office I’ve set up in, since my old room is more or less a storage closet now—and in the basement, where I don’t want to be. I put all their candy and alcohol and edibles down there so the temptation wouldn’t fuck with my diet.

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i feel for you. my childhood was chaotic and oppressive and my folks still live in the same house i was born and raised in and it hurts. so much about the place has changed since i was young; the canopy of ash trees along the street were all cut down, the house has been totally renovated. the neighbours all changed. and more or less every shred of evidence that i ever lived there is gone. my room is a storage space with a bed in it now. there’s still photos of my brother and his family (with whom i have no contact) everywhere but if my parents even have photos of me, they’ve all been squirreled away. the stairs don’t creak the way they used to anymore. the smell of the old carpets are gone. but the shape of the place and the lack of warmth and the constant cable television cacophony still makes me feel trapped in the same way i did as a child. the walls hurt. I lost my place to a mold infestation just before the pandemic happened and ended up having to stay there for a few months while i was commuting to school. just existing in that building for that long was so thoroughly destabilizing that i ended up having to drop out and go back to couch surfing in the city. i ran away from home a lot as a kid…i really never thought i’d have to do it once more at 32.

We get along better now, but it frankly still seems like a miracle to me? we didn’t speak at all for a year and it took a lot of boundary work to get to a point where i can keep it together when i go visit.

in my recent experience, when it comes to people and places that get under your skin like this i think it’s essential to develop as specific an idea of what your objectives are, what common interests you have, and what your absolute boundaries are. it’s probably not necessary to, like, communicate these things with them, especially if they’re the type to try and undermine/gaslight you. you’re just drawing yourself a roadmap through a treacherous landscape, so to speak.

I don’t want to assume anything about your specific situation but i can talk about my own… for example, i do not ever stay the night at my parents’ place for any reason except on xmas (the place makes me crazy,) and i do not share any of my transition-related life with them at all (they’ve proven they can’t really understand it.) I like the dog: if i have to be there, i’m mostly going to see him. if we do meet casually, we meet on my turf (their house specifically messes with my head and i need an exit strategy in order to stay level.) They are not going to be able to hold space with me emotionally so i do not expect or hope for that from them anymore. However, they’re good grandparents to my daughter, and regardless of how they treated me or how i feel about it, at least when it comes to her we are on the same side. the fundamental parameters and compromises of our relationship are as clear to me as i can make them… if i feel threatened or unsure, i can fall back on this stuff to guide me. there isn’t really anything wrong with making a filial relationship a transactional one if that’s what it takes to keep you feeling somewhat secure. If it’s about the meow meows for you and that’s it… that’s chill! let it be just about the meow meows.

semi-tangential daddy issues stuff

My dad was especially vicious to me. he was abandoned as a kid and grew up in juvie and was an alcoholic when i was born. i probably won’t ever really recover from what he did to me. no matter what, that damage has been done - i am this whole gestures-to-self mess and i probably always will hold him responsible for that to some degree. However… he’s good to my kid. he’s a good granddad. Watching him interact with my daughter when she was a toddler flooded me with tar. I still have to stop myself from feeling like there must have been something about me that made me fundamentally undeserving of that kind of warmth… but he is good to her, he’s good to my mom, and i care about those people, so i decided that so long as that remains true and as long as i have the stamina to keep it up, we can at least try to be on the same side. when i started approaching our relationship from this specific angle… i think i gave myself the opportunity (and the autonomy) to see that he had actually changed. over the past, idk, 3 years of work… i think i might be pretty close to forgiving the guy? we are sort of becoming pals? i don’t get it. he’s still an asshole, but sometimes he talks to me at length unprompted about how much he loves his old porsche 944 and i don’t think i ever heard him talk about liking or loving anything at all before i turned 35. i’m here for it tbh. i never in a million fucking years thought that would have been possible. I still have so much trouble with my family in general and I feel like people would think i’m an idiot for forgiving my OG abuser, but idk, grudges are kind of boring after a while…

maybe this is a bit of a cliche but practicing kung fu over the past couple years has also given me a lot of security when it comes to the more difficult relationships in my life. when the chips are down i know i can defend myself and i have something (my body) that nobody can ever take away from me again if i can help it. I don’t think i even recognized it that way until, uh, just now lol

I offer this to you as an example that maybe even the most dysfunctional relationships can be salvaged with enough patience. I hope it’s at least a little comforting

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Thank you for this. I relate to a lot of what you’ve described. I’m also non-contact with my brother. When I used to visit my mom, she would have the TV on and tuned to 24-hour news stations and watch pundits all day. There aren’t really photos of anyone up anywhere but there was a painting hanging on their wall that I’d done in uni during a class on underpainting and glazing, and it’d been up there for years but I got sick of seeing it this month, slashed it and put it away in my old room.

I have a niece and she’s my NC brother’s daughter so I haven’t seen her in person since she was like three months old. My parents seem to be good grandparents and she seems to be having a happy childhood, which I’m glad is the case, but hearing about it just makes me angry and jealous to the point of tears.

there isn’t really anything wrong with making a filial relationship a transactional one if that’s what it takes to keep you feeling somewhat secure. If it’s about the meow meows for you and that’s it… that’s chill! let it be just about the meow meows.

I know this is true and most of the time I can assert how I feel but it helps to hear it from someone else now and then.

The worst thing my parents ever did, worse than any direct harm, was turn a blind eye to the inter-sibling bullying that went on nonstop in their home until all but one of their kids moved out. I bullied my younger siblings, but I don’t think I did so to the extent that our older brother bullied the rest of us. I also stopped and began working on myself in like high school, but as long as I knew him he was a vicious asshole. Saw every interaction as a competition to be won and scorched the earth to do it. He was in my face right up until the day I moved out. I hate him deeply for making fun of the way I talk, making me feel helpless, scared, and exposed all the time, but I hate my parents even more for all their excuses for never having the time to concern themselves with what was going on right in front of them. Every evening after school I remember the alcohol-fuelled fights at dinner, the rolling cigarettes in front of the TV and the “vegging out,” and the backlash if their free time was disturbed.

There was one particularly ugly moment a year after I started transitioning where my brother cornered me outside my bedroom and said a shopping list of transphobic things to me that I brought to my mom’s attention a few years later when I thought we were closer and that she might’ve grown, but her reaction was so limp and disappointing, and despite how hurt I felt I think I spent maybe the whole pandemic urging her to care. Eventually I had to make a decision to feel differently about her. I still feel very betrayed when we talk, probably because it’s such a fresh betrayal.

A friend of mine insists that people can change and I want to give them that chance to grow, but would really need them to put in a lot of work and I don’t know how I’d get that across without losing even more of my time. I feel stretched pretty thin as it is emotionally.

maybe this is a bit of a cliche but practicing kung fu over the past couple years has also given me a lot of security when it comes to the more difficult relationships in my life.

I feel really brokenhearted that I haven’t been able to return to martial arts. When I left home I slid immediately into poverty because I just didn’t know how to look after myself and wasn’t prepared to try and find a job as a weird-looking trans person in a big city, after having to leave the job I got as a closeted trans person in the country. I think sometimes maybe the biggest reason I suffer from anxiety is I don’t know how to present myself—and haven’t had disposable income for a long enough stretch of time while also living in a a home where I don’t feel like I need to hide parts of myself. That’s what you need to like build a wardrobe and a look and feel comfortable in your body, I think. I also have a trans reason for being afraid to go back to martial arts that I can divulge if asked in a DM.

This is really helping to be able to talk about all this somewhere. I’m glad this thread is still around.

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feel free, happy to talk about it! moreover, thank you for sharing, I’m glad to offer/grateful for the space. I’m at work nursing a burn rn so i probably have to hold off on responding until it’s less crazy

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