For a while, I’ve noticed that if I have an appointment for something that isn’t part of my usual day, I can’t really concentrate on anything until that appointment is over. Can’t eat or work or enjoy leisure activities. I just kind of scroll and wait. Any advice for getting over this?
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Unfortunately I think it’s also just the general advice that applies to most things. I am a hypocrite and never do all of these and often do none of these but I’m almost certain it would all make my life easier if I did these all the time (so do as I say not as I do).
Either:
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Plan with this in mind and stay on top of organization. Don’t hold back in being even a bit choosy with receptionists or administration when picking times and dates for appointments, so you can pick whatever times and dates work best for you. Maybe you’ll prefer it if you get things done as early in the day as you can. Personally I like to lump tasks together, if I’m going to need to leave the house for an appointment I can run errands or go to the drug store or grocery store on the way or after. It might help to try and commit to leaving early to get an errand or something taken care of on the way to the appointment, so at least you’re distracting yourself, and you can also trick yourself into getting ready and leaving early and thus having plenty of time to get to your appointment in order to be able to run the errand too, and you can always skip the errand if you sink into The Time Hole.
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I also think often this anxiety surrounding The Event for the day is also secretly anxiety about missing the appointment or not being able to find the place if you’ve never been there or being late cause you underestimated time or showing up at the wrong time. Prepare ahead of time, make sure you have a good plan for getting to and from the appointment, write the date and time down in a visible place so you can remind yourself at a glance, know exactly when you need to leave the house to make it to the appointment on time (break this down further to know when you need to leave to make it on time at a leisurely pace, know how many buses or trains you can miss or bad traffic congestion you can slog through if you leave by X, know what time you can get there and be socially acceptably late, etc). Keep the number to the place you’re going easily accessible in your phone so if you run late you can call ahead and tell them you’re on your way. If you’re really Mentally Cool like me, shower first thing when you get out of bed, plan an easy breakfast or lunch, lay out your outfit for the day and everything you need to bring to the appointment the night before so you’re not scrambling to get ready and find shit because instead of getting ready to leave you read or wrote some Epic Posts. Set alarms in your phone, keep the Google Maps directions bookmarked. Basically try and set yourself up ahead of time such that once it’s time to head to the appointment you have intentionally lightened your mental load as much as possible and can just autopilot yourself to the appointment. This might help you convince yourself that, yes, since I have gotten all of this prepared to the point where if I need to I can walk out the door at a moment’s notice, I can read some Epic Posts to pass the time before the appointment, I’ll even set an alarm on my phone to tell me that I need to leave in five minutes, so I’m not just compulsively checking the time every 90 seconds.
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Just accept that’s how you process time sensitivity or social obligation and raw dog it. Give yourself something to look forward to after as well if you can. If you make the appointment, you can Have A Little Treat on the way home, or watch a movie you’ve been thinking about for a while that night, etc.
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“Why does it take me so long to finish a game/book/TV show lately?” I ask myself before having another crying spell and going to bed early.
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Hi everyone. My family has been going through a lot of heavy stuff recently, and I am feeling very close to a psychological breakdown. Still capable of holding down family (childcare, partner care) responsibilities, and most work stuff, but it’s really “smiling on the outside, dying on the inside” times.
I am actively looking into visiting a therapist and hoping to pursue CBT+medication, but I know these things won’t happen immediately.
Here’s why I’m posting: I haven’t had therapy/meds since I was an undergrad, many years ago (shockingly almost 20 of them). I was severely depressed for a while, but eventually got better. Since then, I’ve developed strategies and have been pretty good about monitoring my mental and emotional health. But now, I need help!
Specifically, I would love advice about how to be kind to myself while I’m waiting to find a good therapist. I really don’t know what it’s supposed to be like! I don’t drink, I exercise somewhat regularly, and my sleep patterns are normal-ish (11 pm - 6 am, roughly). I work 40-50 hours most weeks. I also have two young kids.
So like. Do I just let myself eat whatever I want? Read as much manga and hang out as much as I want? Throw all the rules out the window? Part of my problem, I think, is that I’m very routine oriented, but my routine maybe doesn’t include enough self care? I don’t know!
If you’ve read this far, thank you. That in itself feels supportive.
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all i’d say is, if you’re anything like me at least, throwing away routine wouldn’t be being kind to yourself. at least for me, no routine is a nightmare, but if your routine feels like burden, rethink it. and try to treat yourself like you’d treat another person who’s having a hard time-- knowing you, that ought to be a good way to be kind to yourself.
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Good advice! Thank you. I’d encourage A Guy Like Me to adhere to the routine up to the point where it starts to be a negative, and feel okay about bending the routine if it helps.
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Came here to say precisely this, especially including recognizing how kind you are
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Aw. Thank you.
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I see a therapist weekly now and it still doesn’t feel like enough.
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I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and she said “yeah, my work would be easier if you know who just died”
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In my experience a psychiatrist that doesn’t gel with you is just going to waste your time. I don’t know your insurance situation, but that would have me immediately seeking a new psychiatrist. I wish in the past I would have readily cycled through doctors like I have with meds, would’ve landed me on a good one a lot sooner.
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Have you ever tried doing a workbook? It can be a way to channel your thoughts into some kind of action when you are in between sessions and can’t talk to a therapist. The best therapist I ever had encouraged me to find one with a topic that resonated and try.
I found this resource on Reddit of someone sharing free workbooks and pdfs. A lot of the links seem to be dead, so you might also want to try your local library if none of these work for ya!
I think I’ve mentioned her before but Pema Chodron’s books are very accessible and honest and comforting. She’s a buddhist monk and has some good insights on starting from where you are and overcoming uncertainty.
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My therapist is fine, I just have a lot of ground to cover and whining to do and it feels neverending.
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I’m glad things are working for you, I was replying to 穴’s comment though.
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Maybe I’m missing something but what about what her psychiatrist said would make you want to find a new one?
Sounds like her psychiatrist is talking about a dead, former fellow patient.
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I assume 穴’s psychiatrist said “My work would be easier if you-know-who [were to die spontaneously].” A moment for us all to reflect on the importance of hyphens.
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That’s also how I read it.
(“You-know-who” being of course Voldemort and @Herb is as turned off as we all are by the Harry Potter reference. In light of this, I would also be hitting the bricks in search of a new shrink!!!)
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I didn’t read it right at first but assumed the psychiatrist was saying their job would be easier if everyone was aware David Lynch died, and that they’ve been having a hard time explaining to their patients why they themself are in such a down mood
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oh not at all, she was talking about trump lol
sorry about the confussion that caused, in my mind it was clear who i was talking about. and also the way she said it wasn’t a harry potter reference, i guess i turned it into one when translating it into english.
I’ve struggled a lot to find the right therapists and doctors in the past, and have ditched therapists for weird comments in the past. I’m currently very pleased with my current therapist and psychiatrist.
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