Describe a game plot poorly

Inspired by my realization earlier tonight that you can describe the plot to Kingdom Hearts II as “Nihilist terrorist cell wrecks havoc on Disneyland.” Go nuts!

  • - The Gift of the Magi, but the gift is the ancient gods slumbering within them. >!Xenoblade Chronicles!<
  • - Dysfunctional Australian lesbian won't accept responsibility for the deaths she's caused. >!*Final Fantasy XIII*!<
  • - "Siri, why didn't you tell me anything about these secret government bioweapons?" >!*Metroid Fusion*!<
  • - *Rock-a-Doodle*, but more tropical and with alternate timelines. >!*Chrono Cross*!<
  • - In a world of a thousand fursonas, the only thing beyond the pale is a man. >!*Meremanoid*!<
  • (OK, I'm just gonna post the read now. I'm coming up with way too many of these.)

    @“Video Game King”#p158321 Animal collector thwarted by blue-in-the-face activist who foregoes using a knife. >!Sonic the Hedgehog!<.

  • 1. goth lolita and twink sidekick get woke
  • 2. Nerd has to learn space guitar to stand up to his bully
  • 3. hacker downloads psychedelics to rescue digital waifu
  • 4. boy scout becomes secret agent/gonzo therapist
  • 5. *Duck, You Sucker!* if Rod Steiger were a shounen protagonist and rode a dragon and James Coburn were a hot immortal cyborg
  • 6. Dale Cooper won't shut up about his Toyota Celica
  • 7. your father is an alcoholic, go have fun
  • 8. your father is an alcoholic, try to have fun
  • 9. taking "late-bloomer" to the next level, loser conscript doesn't make anything of himself until he is literally dead
  • 10. mute flapper and her sword bf go on the lam, learn programming
  • 11. Guess this 20-year-old series: in the distant future, rollerblading is cool again.
  • >!

  • 1. NieR: Automata
  • 2. _Gitaroo Man_
  • 3. _Rez_
  • 4. _Psychonauts_
  • 5. _Panzer Dragoon Saga_
  • 6. _Flower, Sun, and Rain_
  • 7. _Katamari Damacy_
  • 8. _Papo & Yo_
  • 9. _MediEvil_
  • 10. _Transistor_
  • 11. _Jet Set Radio/Future_
  • Space family goes on space vacation, gets space separated. >!Opoona!<

    Space chicken little but with more interspecies banging >!Mass Effect!<

    “pick up the trash, son” >!Katamary Damacy!<

    Twin peaks for teens with lots of queerbaiting. >!Life is Strange!< >!I haven't played the game since it came out, so I might be misremembering!<

    A guy wore a yellow hat which caused all of China to fight itself

    A devoutly religious and casually racist athelete realizes he was indoctrinated and kills his god by throwing a ball at him >!Wakka, Final Fantasy X!<

    guessing games from this thread its a lighting round in the making

    Mountaineering gone woke >!Celeste!<

    A nepo baby dresses up like her great-grandfather and time travels to rig a competition that makes her Dad the king. She sticks around to sleep with one of her Dad's friends, but decides she needs to kill the book nerd in his army. >!Lucina, Fire Emblem Awakening!<

  • - A slacker and his roommate have to beat up a game show host before she gets plastic surgery. >!Banjo-Kazooie!<
  • - Young boy has his first gay experience searching for the girl he just met. >!*Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon*!<
  • - "It's either me or the horse." >!*Shadow of the Colossus*!<
  • - What if Obama was an anime girl who was dating Aladdin? >!*Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn*!<
  • - (ROT13'd to keep it safe for work.) Ybpny jbzna trgf pnhtug wrexvat bss, qrpvqrf gb ghea vg vagb na betl. >!*Cute Demon Crashers*!<
  • Mute undocumented immigrant undergoes a dangerous entry into a foreign country, gets tired and takes a long nap, and simply for even just wanting to practice their own culture is marked for death by two world leaders (including an honest-to-goodness royal), two homicidal, blade wielding royalists, a know-it-all technocrat, a rogue A.I., and a con artist

    ||Chrono Trigger||

    A foster father rescues the child under his care

    ||Lisa: The Painful||

    >

    @“Video Game King”#p158434 Young boy has his first gay experience searching for the girl he just met.

    *Y tu mamá también: el juego oficial de la película*

    Dedicated and passionate people with a keen interest in history literally can't even have hobbies anymore, because of woke!!!

    ||Darkest Dungeon||

    You‘re from out of town and you’ve got all night to kill one baby. >!Bloodborne!<

    It‘s "You Don’t Mess with the Zohan" with one letter changed but just as many Judaic references. >!Xenosaga Episode 1!<

    Young boy becomes closer with his sister after a trip to the library. >!Nier!<