Parabolic Games ??



name a game that inspires this kind of review curve


Theatrhythm Final Bar Line. My brain says it‘s a bare-minimum cash-in reuse of resources that S-E won’t even deign to put the Final Fantasy label on. But my heart says it's a perfect, blissful, flow-inducing experience.

pretty much any PSP port of a game

pizza tower cuz it’s made by a racist but it’s also Just Like Wario Land 4!

also Um Jammer Lammy (on PS1 at least, I know it had rereleases) is one of the best games of all time but also is basically broken and impossible to play through without either save stating or succumbing to violent rage

I stumbled upon Ronde for the Sega Saturn on Backloggd only to find…

[URL=https://i.imgur.com/zlDMb54.png][IMG]https://i.imgur.com/zlDMb54.png[/IMG][/URL]

All the reviews on that page are incredibly short for such extreme scores. I'm not gathering any context clues at all as to why the game is so divisive. I know we've got some Saturnheads around here, anyone familiar enough with this game to know what might make it so polarizing?

Imperator Rome
-

[URL=https://i.imgur.com/YoMDTf1.jpg][IMG]https://i.imgur.com/YoMDTf1.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Making any game that lives up to expectations has to be hard, but making a Grand Strategy game has to be a whole extra level of insane player expectations. The[ average playtime for something like Crusader Kings 2 is 99 hours](https://www.pcgamesn.com/crusader-kings-ii/crusader-kings-2s-one-million-players-average-99-hours-of-playtime), which says a lot for a free to play game where the majority of players are going to get confused what "Gavelkind" is and quit after 2 hours because their empire fell apart. These are games where serious players are going to put thousands if not tens of thousands of hours into it over the course of a decade and buy dozens of expansions.

Imperator Rome made the fatal decision to go as wide as an ocean, but as deep as a puddle. They set up so many competing systems, it had a ton of tech trees, the map itself had a ridiculous amount of territories. But the problem was that playing as Rome felt the exact same as playing as a poor hill tribe in Gaul, which was felt the same as playing as Carthage, or Armenia, or the Mauryan empire, etc. The strength of these games is giving the player unique, asymmetrical positions to start in, but it was all the same, you were just more or less able to steamroll the enemies from the start. It was very easy to become the most powerful state in your region. I might be misremembering but I feel like there wasn't a even a punishment for aggressive expansion?

They also had a mechanic where you had to cede some of your land to a general or a famous family to get favor with them, but it almost always had the effect of the general becoming so powerful they turn against you, which in theory could make things interesting but just made it annoying to put down their rebellions and the character interactions were not very fleshed out at all so you couldn't really do much to influence it.

Despite all of my personal gripes, some people still swear by it! I think because they like the theme and knew that 10 patches down the line it would be fun, but I didn't find the day 1 version fun enough to play more than about 8 hours.

Without looking it up to confirm, I am going to say that Asura's Wrath probably fits. It seems like a real love-it-or-hate-it type of game (and I loved it).

GOD HAND

@“lankgod”#p112476 This post started in motion the ancient and inevitable ritual of Insert Credit forum user billy awakening from his eternal slumber to quote once again this post about the PaRappa games:

>

I would say that Um Jammer Lammy and PaRappa 2 are much more forgiving in terms of timing, although the first game is still do-able if you time your inputs with the mindset of releasing the button at the right time rather than pushing. Almost like a guitar strum, which is interesting considering where they went next.

@“billy”#p112667 And this post reminded me of how bananas the scoring system in PaRappa is. It describes a very interesting game that I have never played before.

From GameFAQs:

>!

The scoring system used in the game does not function how it is described in the game. You need to use all of the buttons that the master uses. You need to use the first button they use first as well, or else points will be deducted. Buttons pressed on any of the 18 dots give 3 points each. Buttons pressed between the dots will deduct points equal to the number of notes the master used.


>!
>!

Then the game gives bonus points based on successful “on-beat” and “off-beat” button presses. “On-beat” are the odd dots in the row, “off-beat” are the even dots. On-beat notes are worth 6 and off-beat notes are worth 15. Pressing on both during a pair of dots, starting with the on-beat, is only worth 9 bonus points total. Using all of the 4 possible combinations of presses and pauses in a row will give 18 bonus points.


>!
>!

The note placements used by the master do not matter. Pressing buttons not used by the master do not give nor take away points.


>!
>!

The optimal combination is therefore to press buttons during all of the “off-beat” dots for 162 points per line.

see as an EDF fan, i wanna say that series but i'm fairly certain it never really reviews all that high

@“Funbil”#p112640 pretty sure I can explain this - all the 1/2/3 scores will be regular people who played it, because it does suck and is incredibly slow. All the 5s will be atlus stans who found out this was a ~ tensei game of some sort and maybe played it for 5 minutes and thought the music was cool, which it is.

@“exodus”#p112702 Now that you mention it… Most of the 5 star reviews are from users with Persona/Catherine profile pictures. That's hilarious

also deadly premonition is the obvious one to mention here - it got in the guinness book of world records for it even. even with the guinness book being a softsoap scam (I just learned this term), it's still funny.

>

@“exodus”#p112723 softsoap scam

ive never heard this and google just gives me a bunch of sites to buy cheap soap. what's this mean?

@“Coffinwarehouses”#p112727

I heard this from somebody this week but I couldn't confirm it with googling either, so maybe the term is made up? the type of scam definitely is real though.

>

There is a book by a famous pre-war Dutch Author about ad scammers in the early 1900s selling articles in a fake magazine to small businesses, and then selling stacks of issues of said (otherwise fake) magazine back to the businesses so they can use it as ‘promotion’.


>
>

It's called Softsoap / the Leg , with the softsoap being the word for the act of upselling their scam to their victims.

@“exodus”#p112732 oh nice! i remember the early days of the internet poetry.com did this so shamelessly. if you submitted a poem a couple days later they would send you an email being like “congratulations your poem was so good it has been selected to be published in the next edition of our hardcover book of the best poems ever submitted to poetry.com. to purchase your copy please send $49.95.” and i assume if you bought the book it was just your poem plus 50 other randomly selected poems from the site.

@“Coffinwarehouses”#p112766 my first and only publication was in one of these when I was a pretentious anti-George W Bush wanna-be poet in *** checks notes *** middle school.

Quest of Ki‘s rating on Backloggd is so gorgeously parabolic that its total score averages in the perfect center of its distribution. Shout out to the sudden influx of perfect 5’s right at the end.