(Steals cards.)
Walks in holding crumpled note written in glitter crayon
Uh, hello. My daughter says she wantsâŠ
squints at note
âŠNintendo Weed games?
calls @treefroggy on store intercom
Takes all my clothes off
Screaming at the sky:
âYOU RANG??? YOU RANG!!!â
- mother 2
- Animal crossing
- Shiren the Wanderer
weâre closed
A clerk with a green apron on shoos customers away with a wide brush broom. She then pushes the walls of each game display around - on the back is polished dark wood panels and green walls. With the pull of a chain, the middle displays sink into the floor and round tables and stools glide from the ceiling. In front of the register, she pops a panel up from the floor to reveal an elaborate facade that folds over the counter to make a bar top. She pulls the heads off of several of the Funko toys to reveal bottles and pulls out some glasses from under the counter.
âAfter hours game bar is open.â
Walks in
Iâll have an iced tea on the rocks.
âŠand do you have any Game Informers I can use as a coaster?
* walks in kind of weirdly quickly, surveys all of the non xbox sections of shelves, makes eye contact with nobody, leaves as quickly as I came *
Hi, Iâd like to pay you $13 for the shot of Captain Morgan and 3/4 oz of Midori that you call âThe Yoshiâ while also paying you $25 to play Mario Kart [1] with my friend on the SNES Mini you have set up over there.
âComing right up!â She pulls out a Fallout-themed AriZona iced tea can, pours into a square glass, and pulls out from under the counter what looks like small rocks. If touched, the glass is cool to the touch. In two quick motions she sets a Game Informer from May 2022 down and then the glass.
She nods at the newcomer. âWeâre all out of Midori, but I have some Giffard if you donât mind The Spyro. Just $7.â
i walk into the store with my hands dangling down by my legs, one hand carrying dvd copies of bladerunner and oceanâs 11; i stand slightly off to the side of the entrance, so as to allow others to walk in, and gaze back and forth a little cursorily. i, evidently not having found what i wanted, then walk up to the counter, where iâm greeted by an employee who looks awfully similar to @billy.
holding up and spaying out like cards the dvds of bladerunner and oceanâs 11 with one hand, then pointing at them with the other, i ask âhey, do you know of anybody who makes games like this?â
âthank you for your helpâ i say, before leaving the store, walking a block away, then changing out of my disguise to reveal i was hideo kojima all along.
âwhatâs the point?!â i wonder aloud
yaâll got those jake from state farm nendoroids yet
* walks in kind of weirdly quickly, surveys all of the non xbox sections of shelves, makes eye contact with nobody, leaves as quickly as I came *
Hi. I would like to pre-order a Nintendo Switch 2 please. I have money. I would like to give you this money so that me and my family can play the new Mario Kart together. I know that this is an edge use case because the primary use case seems to be short-term consumer electronics speculation via eBay, but I am an actual human, I would like one (1) console bundle and I would like to have it in a reasonable time frame without having to drive all over town or attempt to defeat a DDOS attack on your website.
Can you help me?
⊠Uh, yeah, we have a few slots. Can I have your phone number?
The mysterious customer paused. âThat seems fairâ he thought to himself, but he knew his phone number wouldnât fit neatly in this unsuspecting retailerâs computer system. Nonetheless this was his real phone number and he really did just want a Nintendo Switch 2 with the Mario Kart game and one of those webcam things so he could talk to his friends while he played the Mario Kart game and maybe a Pro Controller because he never bought one for his Switch 1 and always meant to.
âIs the phone number completely necessary?â he asked in one final attempt to get out of the awkward data entry predicament.
âYes sir!â said Dwayne. The assistantâs name was Dwayne. This was clear from his name tag, which said âDwayneâ.
âFair enoughâ, the mysterious customer submitted. âMy telephone number isâŠâ
⊠written here on this business card along with my name and email. Now you have everything you need to lock in this preorder, right?